My Life....?

[SirViper]

i am not being emotional or something...its just that.... i feel confuse, blank and empty...? and i want to share it with people who i trust and belive... hope you guys.....advise me or something....?


i told my so call ' mui mui ' about my life... and the more i tell her... i feel like crying....yea...sounds so childish...but i really did cry.



11/12/2008 ( after i told her about my life )

i cried that night. why? cause i keep on thinking.....that i dont have any talent...unlike my friends....good in sports.....smart....handome? unlike me...i am not good in sport.....not really that smart. i keep on thinking what talent i have....and i ended up with no answer...

12/12/2008

( about 3 o clock? )

She ( my mui mui? ) said that...she will make kuih for me =)
And i told her.... if tak jadi also nvm....bring come... i will eat it infront of you.
And in the same time my jiran....have trouble too.....his soon to be girlfriend is going to australia next year.
So yea....i bring him out to 7-11 and we had maggi for lunch...or teatime. And my mui mui called and said that the kuih tak jadi.... then i told her to meet me in 7-11. And she did!!! wanna know what happen? she & her friend ( which is also my friend ) tak jadi to make that kuih cause it ended up badly....so her friend called her to fry it and give it a try.

That kuih sorta.... explode? lol....yea...sounds silly.... and my mui mui and her friend got hit by the flaming oil... 

Lucky...its just a little minor.....small......thingy... notthing much happen... she didt get hurt or anything....just a drop of oil hit her on top of her left eye...anyway... its not even obvious.

So yea....we chit-chat....smile...laugh....and i looked at her........and we talk and talk and talk...



NOW ( at night )

in MSN. she said that...maybe she perasan or something.... she said that i looked at her differently just now in 7-11.  And i asked her why? She said...your eyes are telling me that you love me. and she went offline.

then... i got a sms from her...she said that...

SHE : i need to talk to you. Not through online.

so i ran to 7-11 to buy phone credit

and i sms back

Jason : not now... i am not ready to face the truth....?

SHE : no.... i dont plan to tell you anything...But why now. oh my god. its like...you're in my head. BUT TODAY. YOUR EYES. i know you're not joking right now.

Jason : there is so many reasons why i love you... and there is even more reasons why we cant be together.... and i dont even know where to start....?

SHE : but i mean why now? is it just a crush or what? and all of the sudden you like me? You're in love with me? Maybe not love, but like?

Jason : i dont know how this happen.. i just got that feeling...? i am sorry... i guess we both make ourself think too much...

and so on....

so yea..... i went to my room....all puzzled...and started writing.....( i always do that if i am angry...or confuse or just...anything )

i WROTE THIS.....

I am not good with talking
There is so many reasons why i love you
There is also so many reasons why i love you
I am stupid...but your not
I am ugly...
I dont talk much, which makes you hard to understand me.
It just happen so fast....
I am a coward
I dont dare to talk to you
I am not ready.....to face the truth
Its just that i dont wanna hurt myself...and also hurt you
I just love you...
I dont even know how to explain or describe this feeling
You know my ex girlfreind?
She DUMPED me
Because she dont understand me..
I treated her so nice and calm..
And i still failed
I spend most of my night thinking about you after our first date
And the more i think...it breaks my heart
Cause i just know i couldnt catch hold of you
I dont know whether your serious with me or not...
But i am really serious
I really love you...

AND YES...... my mind is thinking too much right now....that i dont even know what to type next....

maybe i will tell you guys about my life....soon..... but not now....cause i am really...

AHHH..........i am just in a mess right now.... 

SORRY FOR MY BAD ENGLISH, I AM JUST.....PANICKING? I GUESS.....I JUST SUCK AT IT...?

[Shock]

come on, u just 15, enjoy it...go crazy, do crazy thing, trust me, by the end of time like me, you willsay i not regret for being crazy at young time.

i wont and dont want to comment much on 15/16 years old love life, it just to predictable to me. i seen too much in my school. it good for ppl cannot read your thinking, like me, inflict fear to ppl, hohoho

[cyan198]

first of all.. wanna generalize.. omigod kidz these days.. grown up so fast..

i know how it feels at the moment it happens.. but yes just like shock said..
enjoy it.. enjoy every feeling u got right now.. it will make u stronger to get through it

one advise from me.. just dont end up hating each other hehe..

[eek-1]

>...i  want to share it with people who i trust...
You trust the Internet?

> ...i am not good in sport.....not really that smart. i keep on thinking what talent i have....and i ended up with no answer...
Actually, you have your qualities.  I can see them all over in your post.  To find them is to accept them.

...i WROTE THIS.....
You're in haste. That's all I can say.

I have a friend who was like you when we were in middle school.  He had a crush with a fellow schoolmate.  As much as he tried to win she got fed-up and dumped him straight. He thought he lost everything. It took him a while to recover but luckily we're far from exam. Nearly a decade later she had a crush on him instead and then they got married.  You know how he did it?  He pursued his own ambition.

[DayDreamerz]

Oh well... You don't live in a fairy tale. Not everything will have a happy ending.
Then again, maybe your story ain't over yet... Cheer up Jason.

[SirViper]

13/12/2008 

6 o clock

i asked wheather...she like me or not...and she keep on giving reasons ( like all girls do!!! ) well....she brokeoff twice.....so yea.... i understand...she dont want to get hurt again...

so i...called my jiran...and showed that confuse sad face.....( people called it emo? lol )
chit chat.......

DINNER TIME!!!

Family Dinner with my auntie in my houseeeee.
Turkey....Spagatttititi? ( dont know how to spell =P )
so yea... i desided to....give her some food.....( since she told me just now....she eat egg and veggie for dinner )

and i sms her that i am coming.....but she ALWAYS THINKS THAT I AM JOKING....

so yea....i went to her house......give it to her......

AND BOOM!!! i feel sooo happy XDDD 

[cyan198]

omg this turn out to be a blog thread.. i want one too!!

[DayDreamerz]

As long as you put it in the correct board no one's gonna stop you.

Although I wonder why you'd post here instead of looking for a proper blog website.

[SirViper]

nah... i am too lazy for blog....maybe next year.... i will make one

its just that.....i.......tryst you guys...? hehe....

wait ar.....next i will talk about myself....LOLOL

[Shock]

like i say, enjoy your life now.

see, told you keep your words and gals think you lying but turn out to be real is something nice ace expression to seen on them hahahahaha

[yuii]

i dunno what to say... i feel for you jason... sometimes i wonder why things are so complicated when it's actually that simple ne?

if you don't try, how would you know? -> personally, it's my driving force.

but when it comes to relationship, it's understandable that we'd go into a shell. doesn't matter whether you're a guy or a girl... things that you go thru are the same. most of us here have been thru the 'confused' state when we were somewhere your age too, so don't worry we understand and we made it thru. surely you won't have any problem

as for qualities and what not... i'd say EVERYONE IS SPECIAL in his/ her own way. you are only looking at the 'good side' of your friend and the negative side of yours. turn it the other way round (lol!!!) and you'll find how lucky you are. Live by this quote and you'll never go wrong XD

"I've learnt that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think."

More often than ever, you'll feel that you're just another Average Joe and you're not wrong, YOU ARE. that is, until you've decided to do something about it... Sure, your friends are better and more competent than you in any criteria you compare. so what? does that mean they have a better chance in excelling in their life than you? there's no guarantee in this world. as a matter of fact, i find a life with whirlpool of ups and downs more fun than a straight n guaranteed life. we learn by trial and error.

in the end, it all guns down to WHAT YOU WANT? ask yourself this question. and when you have a certain answer, you won't sway anymore. then you go to the specific - HOW TO ACHIEVE IT? i only found what I want when i was around 20 ^^; ... well as they said, better late than never. i have friends until now - late 20s who hasn't found his/ her goal yet, so it's not as easy as u think. i believe in holding true to yourself until the end. try and try and try... what have you got to lose? are you gonna die if you fail? heck no.

you like her don't you? just go straight to her house and say it right out to her. give her some time to answer but let her know you won't wait forever... gotta keep your options open u see. it's way better than hanging in the air. tell her you want a clear reply - accept or flat out rejection. if it's the latter, then you gotta deal with it somehow... DD and shock will cheer you up XD they'll show you what's an 'adult world' is like LOL!!!

hmmm understandable why she's afraid of r/ship. so just confess, let her reject you and move on with life!!! so many other girls out there ... CF will be an eye opener bro!!!

[SirViper]

Myself?

I am Jason.......
a person who went through a lot of conflicts like the others...lies....promises..love...hate...all sort of things.

Therefore.... i chooce to hide my feelings even if i hate or love someone.
I am very quiet...cause i think that the more we talk...the more problems we get.....so its like....totally bullshit...

i am studying in a Malay school. So there is less chinese student....

i have a best friend......we did many bad and naughty stuff? yup.....he stealed exam answers...and gave it to me.....so...i went blank and just copy the answer........but now...i regret what i did....cause... i faked everybody's trust......
so....i kinda...egnore him....now he got no friend i pity him..... but i am not soft hearted...

in the same time...my other friend is having problems..i sorta make things worse...

BUT THATS LIKE 1 YEAR AGO....

i forget the past & go on with my life....with new friends

my new friends are....like....smart? then....they like to show off thier smartness...but its supose to be a joke....i sorta take things seriously...

and i always pandang rendah to myself....UNTIL NOW.....

so....i stay out in every problems.......and...talk when i have to?

i also show no expression which makes me unpredictable? and also hard to understand...

well...i think that.. i dont know how to smile properlly....look so cacat...LOL....

so yea....thats me.....i think i noted almost everything down...

i am a big troubled boy right....?

[yuii]

socially, it's best to not speak too much. the more we said, the more probs we'll get into... never know when a colleague will use back those same words and stab you in the back ^^;

well copy exams and all that... i had only done it before ONCE for a TEST (not exam!) for Jasmani (ridiculous written test @@) and it wasn't only me... the whole class was copying!!! so just join in!!! lol no regret on that part... Jason -> it's a past so just leave it. long as you won't repeat it

no expression doesn't mean others dunno leh... ppl who knows u well can predict what's in your mind and what you'll do.

as for friends... not easy to find people you're compatible with. bac in secondary, i wasted 2 years mixing with the wrong crowd. thank god i woke up just in time and met the few of them whom are now my besties...

so most importantly, choose your friends wisely. smart or not smart is not the issue. so what if they are not smart? they have other values that ppl don't see/ appreciate...

you know what, you are not troubled... you're just taking everything too seriously!!! let go some of the things and you'll be more relaxed! trust me, school is fun (omit exams and tests). when u go out to society and work you will see that there are so many other things you need to be careful of. you make a mistake in school, the teachers will tell you not to repeat it. you make a mistake in work and.............well, let's just say i'll save it till you've started work lol.

so like shock said make the best of your secondary, otherwise there'd be no 'wonderful' memories when you look back in your later years.

[DayDreamerz]

Wasted my secondary school life then... Noooooooooooooooo.........

But at least still have some fun memories.

[cyan198]

i just scared an ant running around my lcd with my mouse cursor.. what a new invention..